Vacation Reflections

It's fun to look back at the end of a vacation and remember all the fun things you did. I didn't take pictures of everything, but a few highlights of our time with Michael's parents included:

Taking a boat ride to the beach! (Complete with wild hair and a very nervous Gerrit) This one comes after a super crazy van ride in which I thought we were going to die at least six times. Living in Thailand never ceases to catch me by surprise!

We also enjoyed the obvious aspects of being at the beach (the things I now call "The Essential S's":

 SAND

SWIMMING:

 SMOOTHIES

In addition to our beach trip, we also showed Michael's parents some of the things that we often do around our area. We went to a bicycle park near us and rented bikes, visited a mall to play in the giant play area on the top floor, rode the MRT (elevated train) and a bus, and spent lots of time playing at our house and school with the other families that stayed around for the holidays. 

Now that those things (which we have been looking forward to for so long) have passed us by, we stand here and look ahead to what is now coming: a whole new semester at school. Gerrit couldn't be more thrilled about this, but I am spending my time wondering how this semester will play out for me. I'm kind of nervous, to be honest, and afraid that I'll be taking on more than I can handle well. New classes, a new project (directing a play!), and who knows what else.

The thing that makes me the most anxious, though, is that this is the time of year when I start to think about who will be leaving at the end of it. My life runs in seasons of expecting the new things to come and other seasons of saying goodbye to those I have come to know and love. This is the hardest part of living the life that we live. I have found myself in the last few days starting to speculate which of the teachers at GES will return and which ones will leave. I start to wonder how the school will change next year, how my job will change, and who will fill the gaps of the friendships I have formed with people who are moving away. It's a painful process, to say the least.

Last year, part of my response to this feeling was to try harder to move away. In a lot of ways, being the one who leaves might be easier than being the one who stays. This year, I sit and wonder what it is that God plans to do with my life, because I feel absolutely no semblance of control over it. The majority of things that I have wanted for my life over the last year or two have not come true, but in their place I have experienced things and been given opportunities that I never would have expected, either. 

In church this morning we sang a song that I know fairly well, called "Speak O Lord" (Getty and Townsend). The final verse really hit my heart. The words go like this:

Speak, O Lord, and renew our minds;

Help us grasp the heights of Your plans for us— 

Truths unchanged from the dawn of time 

That will echo down through eternity. 

And by grace we’ll stand on Your promises, 

And by faith we’ll walk as You walk with us. 

Speak, O Lord, till Your church is built 

And the earth is filled with Your glory 

Words fail me here to write what the Spirit was prodding me with through this verse. But all of the words in this verse rang so true. God's ways are higher than ours. God's truth remains unchanged through eternity. God gives us grace to walk with him, and he fills this earth with his glory.

Time and time again I have been afraid. I have been anxious about the future. I have mourned the loss of my own dreams for my life. I have wondered how it is that God can use someone so broken and helpless as myself to reach out to anyone in His name.

And yet - God calms my fears. He reassures me that his path is best and that he has so many better things in store for me than those that I can imagine. He reminds me that Jesus took the blame for my brokenness and sin, and that I can go forth in freedom to love as he loved, to serve as he served, and to preach the gospel to everyone I interact with. What a good God we serve.

Taking time to reflect and remember is good, but it's not good to remain there, forever wishing for something that has passed. Likewise, it is good to look to the future in anticipation, but it's not good to remain there, anxiously wondering how things will play out. We have been given enough for today. Let us put our hope in the One who walks with us through the daily ins and outs of life, and let us rest in the assurance of the unchanging truths and promises that He has made.

Blessings in the new year, friends!