One Year Later...

I am back thanks to my amazing husband.   (He wrote most of that sentence himself...but it's true, and the truth remains, right?)

In all honesty, I ran into some login problems which may or may not have been related to my lack of ability to remember passwords. It could also have been a problem with my email. Not really sure. But in either case, I've been locked out of the blog for a while, and I claim that as my reason for not having written anything for the past year.

Anyway, the past year has been interesting, to say the least. Rather than updating you on all the nuances of our lives over the last year, I want to reflect a little on God's calling in my life, which is a topic that has been in my thoughts throughout the last couple of months.

The beginning of the summer was kind of stressful. I was in a situation where I thought I would have to make a choice that I knew I couldn't make. I felt like my life was entirely chaos; I didn't know what the right decision was. I didn't know which direction God was calling me to go.

The situation (essentially) resolved itself in a way that I never thought would happen, and the resolution came about without me having to make the impossible choice. Looking back, I see God's grace flowing all around me as I went from being filled with dread and despair to being filled with complete peace and awe at this God I serve. I was reminded (again) of the life-giving grace and peace that only come from God. I was reminded (again) of why I am in need of that grace and peace. I was reminded (again) of why I must go forth and tell others of this grace and peace that I have experienced in my life. I was reminded (again) of why I am in Thailand and what work there is to be done here.

It's funny how easy these things are to forget. Many days I go about my daily life without a single thought about why I do things or about the calling that God has placed in my heart. I do not constantly think about why I teach (although the thought comes to mind occasionally, especially on bad days where I wonder what ever possessed me to be a teacher), or why I love my husband, or why I treat others the way that I do. Maybe the question of why should be something that is in my brain a lot more. Why am I in Thailand, in a culture that I still don't understand and definitely struggle to accept even after being here for eight years? Why do I spend most of my days loving on teenagers and trying (sometimes in vain) to get them to learn things?

Why?
Because God has called me to this work. God has called me to bring his kingdom here, to love people here, to be a light in this place and with these people for his glory.

I think that asking this question of myself has helped me become even more convicted of God's calling in my life to be in Thailand for at least another year. I also think that if I asked myself this question more frequently, I might find that my mindset and habits start to change.

Why have I been on Facebook for the last 30 minutes? God has not called me to that work! (Haha. But seriously.)
Why am I so uptight about a schedule? God hasn't called me to be on time, but to love others...and the loving others part should always take priority.
Why am I so frustrated with my son saying "Mommy? Mommy? Mommy?" on repeat for what feels like hours at a time? I am called to love, teach, and raise my son in a way that brings glory to God, not respond to him with impatience and frustration.

Unfortunately for me, I have a very long way to go in this process. Fortunately, I know a grace-(and forgiveness-) filled God who does his work within my heart. I can do nothing in my own strength; however, I am assured that when I choose the wrong path, God's grace carries me and reminds me of who I am and where I belong. For this, I am beyond thankful.

So, friends, I encourage you - consider the why in your life. May God speak to your hearts and work in your lives to draw you closer to himself and to make his calling clear to you. May you then go forth with passion and conviction to work, knowing that you are following God's calling for your life.