Wednesday, February 22, 2017


I've had a couple of songs stuck in my head on repeat lately.

The first is "Good Good Father", and the second verse and chorus of this song are what seem to have caught my attention:

Oh and I've seen many searching for answers far and wide
But I know we're all searching for answers only you provide
'Cause you know just what we need
Before we say a word
You're a good, good father
It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are
And I'm loved by you
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am

Interestingly enough, it's the second verse of the following song that has also caught my attention. What is it about the second verse of songs these days? This one is called "Thy Will":

I know you're good
But this don't feel good right now
And I know you think
Of things I could never think about
It's hard to count it all joy
Distracted by the noise
Just trying to make sense
Of all your promises
Sometimes I gotta stop
Remember that you're God
And I am not
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done

Both of these songs speak to my heart. I've found myself a little anxious and dissatisfied with life over the last few months. I've struggled a lot with the question of the future: where are we going? What should we do? What is the best for our family? One benefit of living here is that we get to re-evaluate each year and decide whether to stay or go...but that benefit can equally be a burden, and I have felt it as much more of a burden this year than previous years.

For the record, we have decided to stay in Thailand for another year. After doing a bit of searching online to see what might be available to us in other areas, I realized that my best option for moving forward would be to finally get a teaching license, since teaching is what I feel called to do. I have since begun working through an alternate certification program online, and hope to earn my license through the state of Florida by the end of September. Remaining in Thailand one more year gives me the opportunity to finish that license and be able to use my knowledge right away (and it's also helpful to retain a job in order to pay for said online classes and license, you know?)

I remember other times in my life where I felt restless and angry at God because it seemed like he didn't want what I wanted for my life. I got frustrated because things didn't go the way I wanted them to. The last time that happened, I had just graduated from college and was looking for a job in the Grand Rapids area. Little did I know that those few weeks of discomfort and frustration would lead me to a time and place where I could pack up and move across the world at (basically) a moment's notice. What a blessing that has been for my life - I would not take away those weeks of waiting for anything, now, because they enabled me to spend the subsequent seven years of my life learning so much more about myself and the world around me in a country that I'd never imagined myself living in.

So, as I take steps into the future and wait to see what it holds, I sing these songs in my head. I serve a God who loves me and who has called me to himself. He knows what I need before I can even begin to conceive what that even is. Sometimes it's hard to make sense of His promises. Sometimes it's hard to retain faith when so many of the people I interact with question it and just don't seem to get it. But He is God, and I am not - and I don't think there is anything else I could be more thankful for.

If you find yourself in a place of waiting, a place of being burdened (whether for yourself or someone else), take some time to reflect on the qualities of God. His goodness. His faithfulness. His omnipotence. His love. There is nothing more comforting. Maybe you'll get some songs stuck in your head, too, as if the Holy Spirit is just constantly trying to remind you that God is a good good father, who knows what you need, so all you have to do is give your cares to him and say thy will be done.

1 comment:

  1. I turned 60 last December-- twice your age. One thing I've learned, you never know what the future will bring. Don't worry about it. In the Gospel's Jesus constantly calls his disciples to "Follow Me." Make that your mantra, and your future will take care of itself. But, be warned, it will be the ride of a lifetime! Thailand is just the beginning. . . who knows where God will lead you next? Japan? Europe? DeMotte, Indiana? Could be any of those-- or any of a thousand other possibilities. Always a surprise around the next bend in the Christian life- the life of following Jesus. Thanks for your reflections.